Have you felt his kicks as you try to rock him to sleep?
Have you heard his screams of fury as you whisper "I love you?"
Do you know?
Do you know what it's like not to know your own son?
Have you felt helpless as you struggle to hold on?
Have you heard the doubts hinting that life may never be right again?
Do you know?
The minutes tick by. The screaming grows louder. The anger of abandonment cries out. The fear of closeness takes over. It is all I can do to keep my arms around him, assuring him of my never-ending love. Reminding him that I will never leave him.
Do you know the sweet surrender of a sleeping child in his mother's arms?
Have you felt him nestled against the curves of your body?
Have you heard his even breathing as he enters into peaceful rest?
I know. I know.
3 comments:
That is beautiful and true. I can relate :) My name is Ali Christine your neighbor's SIL. I just made a blog due to requests of other adoptive friends. Just thought I would introduce myself and tell you how beautiful your son is! We are beginning our Ethiopian adoption journey through Buckner International in Dallas. We are so excited!
That was beautifully said!
I do know! I didn't have the opportunity to know my children as newborn infants, but I have watched my sister with her bio kids. I can see how close she is to her toddler son that she nursed for over a year. He often climbs into her lap to bury his face into her breasts for comfort and sit there on her lap so still as if he's soaking it all in.
I will never forget the moment my daughter (adopted at 10 months old) finally rested her head on my shoulder and went limp in my arms...fully surrendering to my hugging and love. It took about 6 months!
Wow. Powerful way to share what's life's like right now.
I pray that as the days roll by, you get to feel more of the rewards, and less struggle on sweet Noah's part.
Piper did not struggle so much, as just not return our affection. But when she started to...there is no sweeter place to be. I am praying for God to do a mighty work in Noah, that he would learn to trust your love and care.
I am praying for a huge helping a strength for you. You are doing such an important thing here, though it may not always feel like it.
One day at a time...
Love,
Dena
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